I have something I want to talk to Heart Moms about. Other Mom's advice would be appreciated as well.
First of all we have been very blessed. Evan has flown through surgeries and caths and test with amazing colors. He is smart. He is built like an ox and eats good. For all of this we are thankful. We know many heart parents who deal with much more than I can ever imagine. I am so thankful. I understand that the concerns I have, have not been studied long. The reason is that it hasn't been long since kids born with a CHD have survived into life long enough to experience these difficulties. I am thankful.
I have expressed before that Evan is very sensitive. He is smart, he is good, he is loving but he is very sensitive. He loves to be around adults. This doesn't surprise me since he really wasn't around very many kids until he started preschool at age 3. He does well with adults in conversation and relationships. Last year at school he seemed to form a real bond with 2 of the kids. This year, I think that he is having trouble with developing relationships with kids his own age.
My opinion is that he has always been sensitive but, that has increased since his surgery in Oct. It seems that he cannot get ahold of his emotions. When there are kids over our house that are his own age and he doesn't like what is happening or feels something is not going his way his reaction is to cry and/or clinch his fist and scream under his breath kind of way. He stomps off in frustration and says, "whatever, whatever." In these situations I have been sending him to his room and then going in and talking to him about how crying about everything is not okay that he needs to talk it out. He listens. He apologizes. Five minutes later, same situation. He just doesn't seem to get it.
The last few evenings he has told me that his little friend in his class has been in trouble. That when she is in trouble he has no other friends. That no one likes him. That no one wants to be his friend. That he sits alone at lunch time. I asked him why and why doesn't he try to make friends. His reply - "I got some peace and quiet." I wonder if that is what was told to make him feel better for sitting alone at lunch. I don't know. He tells me that he asks if a little boy will be his friend and the little boy says no so, Evan cries. I tell him, who cares, I wouldn't want to be a mean boys friend. Evan doesn't get that. He wants to be friends or at least for the little boy to say they are. He was coloring w/ a friend and the friend seemingly to aggeravate him told him to stop coloring on his book and get his own, Evan cried. Immediately the friend smiles and says, okay Evan, you can color. I tell him who cares - find another book. He doesn't get that.
Maybe I should talk to his teacher and get her opinion. Maybe I should ask the Dr. their opinion. My fear is that this would label him and I would be encouraged to put him on meds. I've read in many many articles that heart kids are 4 times more likely to have behavioral issues. I have heard that heart kids parents stress can cause the behavior issues. I don't want to ignore that he is struggling but... is he? Is he just a sensitive kid that is going through a stage? Am I reading too much into this? Or... is this my heart kid showing signs of needing help?
http://tchin.org/resource_room/CHDSchool.htm
http://www.healthcentral.com/heart-disease/news-225191-29.html
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/572800
http://www.childrenshospital.org/newsroom/Site1339/mainpageS1339P1sublevel51.html
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4 comments:
Gosh, that is a tough one. If I were you, I think I would talk to his teacher first. Maybe she can give you some insight into why these things are happening and give you some advice on how to help him.
My son has been going through this for a couple of years now and he's not a heart patient. My ped and the counselr at the school says they see it a lot in children who are an only child for a long time. Which my son was for almost 9 years so I'm not sure. Please keep me posted because I know how rough this can be on mommy and child!!
This is so tough. At 2, I already see anxiety and major sensitivity in Elijah, and it worries me. I would say, talk to his teacher, talk to his ped, and see what they say. I would just hate to have to make Elijah stand out and put a label on him, but if that's what the professionals were to say, then...
Thanks for being my pioneer! In a few years, I can ask for advice (just be sure to remember the right fixes). :)
Hang in there.....have a great weekend..oxoxo
Children in general are emotional beings - not logical ones. I can't count the number of times when i have talked to an upset child about ignoring an uncaring friend, or working through problmes and it just doesn't sink in. It takes a lot of repetition and practice. I would talk with his teacher as omeone else suggested - that can provide additional insight, and if you have a good teacher she might be able to fasilitate his participation, etc a bit more if she is aware that he is feeling left out, etc. I think this is a pretty normal kid issue - I haven't had this exact experience - but similar ones with a couple of my kids.
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