Mixed Feelings Today

I'm feeling a bit frazzled today. My feelings have ranged from sad to happy to nervous and anxious. I read all the blogs on my blog list daily - it seems to have become a routine when I arrive at work. I login to my computer, go to Evan's blog and then go down the list to check and see how everyone is - Krystal I've also gotten use to checking a few on your adoption list too (some of those families really amaze me.) Yesterday morning and again today I check on Maddie and my heart is saddened. I don't understand. I don't know how they do it. I also check on Sammy (hope this is okay) and read his Mommy's last post about God and prayer and I wonder too. I'm a Christian - I believe in God - but why? I know God has a plan and although I would never have chosen my child to be born with a CHD I've been changed by it, and some of those changes are good. I've met people through blog land and my real life that I would have never known and I value those friendships so much. But, wouldn't life have been good if Evan would have been born without a CHD - wouldn't I still been changed for the better for just being a Mommy and met new people that I cherished? I guess I'm just feeling confused b/c of Maddie and her parent's awesome faith. They amaze me. I want that faith and I often blame my control/OCD disorder for the reason I have such a hard time with it but, I do believe, I just have the hard time understanding these types of things and being okay with it.

ALSO our house has been on the market since Sept. and we have had many showings but no contracts. We are having more showings this weekend and I was informed that one family is moving to our town b/c of work and is only looking at 2 houses and is planning on signing a contract on one of them. AHHHH!!!! That means there is a 50% chance my house will sell this weekend and we have not found a new one yet. I know, I want to move. Do others have a hard time thinking of moving on from the home that their child was brought home to from birth and then from his surgery, etc. I'm crazy. I really want to move but, these thoughts have sent me to tears all day. I pray that I can have enough faith that what is meant to happen for my family will happen and that we will be led to the right place to call home.

See below pic of Evan and a very well behaved female Doberman Pincher AKA Gal, that showed up at Mamaw and Papaw's Mon. - so far no owner response to flyers - no tags so, Papaw is taking her to the vet to check for a chip to identify her. If not, I think Mamaw & Papaw might have a doggy - look how in Love Evan is with her.